Tag: Death and Dying

Posted in Alzheimer's Disease, Bedridden, Caretaker, Death and Dying, Death and Dying, Dementia, Elderly, Faith, Hospice, Loneliness, pain, pain management, Sickness

A Life of Joy and Peace

Posted on by Maureen

Saturday, May 2, 2020

“There is a place of full release, near to the heart of God, a place where all is joy and peace, near to the heart of God.”

I’m sitting at my dying mother-in-law’s bedside. Mark and I have been taking turns sitting with her so she wouldn’t feel alone. Brother Todd came over today too, and that’s been very helpful. I have been caring for this woman for almost 11 years. Caring for her has become my life. Any time I wanted to take a few hours off to run an errand or see a friend, I had to cover myself. Longer trips, to see my own mom, or children and grandchildren, really took planning. I had to make and freeze meals for every day we would be gone so the caregiver would feed her what she liked.

Last week we joked that Mom was going to outlive us all even though she has this football-sized tumor. She has not suffered any pain because of it, other than that one day in December when she was in so much pain that we took her to emergency. They did a scan and found a tumor so big that the doctors shook their heads and said there was nothing they could do. We started Mom on hospice at home just before the new year.

Then, on Wednesday morning, April 29th, Mom woke up with pain in her abdomen. It wouldn’t go away, so I gave her a teeny bit of morphine. She was fine the rest of the day, and on Thursday, when she awoke, I asked if she had any pain. “No pain,” she said. “Praise the Lord! I have no pain!” But by 2:30 in the afternoon, everything changed. The pain grabbed hold of her and made her shudder uncontrollably. Our Livingston hospice nurse, Hana, came right over and determined that the pain was very real. She discussed with us Mom’s need for pain management, and morphine was the only medicine that even touched the pain. I don’t know what changed so quickly, and why the pain took hold the way it did, but here we sit, two days later, watching this woman we love die. We try to keep the agony at bay with morphine. It’s dreadful to be in this position, knowing that the medicine that gives her relief will kill her, and yet having to decide to go ahead with it.

With the increase of morphine, Mom sleeps a lot. I play classic hymns loud enough for her to hear them. Once in a while I’ll look and see her mouthing the words to the hymns.

“And when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess within the veil a life of joy and peace. Amazing Grace how sweet the sound.”Ami last days

Here you will find 2 1/2 hours of Classic Hymns

Posted in Caretaker, Elderly, Hospice, Widow

The Night the Lights Went Out in Oxnard

Posted on by Maureen

Mom’s TV is on 24/7. My husband and I are not to blame for this. It started long before we started caring for her. When you enter the house, you can hear the mind-numbing chatter from the TV, and every once in a while, you’ll hear Mom laugh or gasp or call out to the character to “Be careful!”

Several months ago, as I was just getting ready to start preparing dinner, the power went out. I went outside to see if my neighbors were also without power, only to find several utility trucks on the street. One of the workers told me that we would be without power for 5 or 6 hours! I passed the word down the block, trying not to look as panicked as I felt. I knew I could go and grab some fast food for dinner, but what was I going to do with my mother-in-law for 6 hours without TV???  I know! Let’s read! Our shelves are full of books because I’ve been a literature teacher for 35 years, and my husband has more books than most libraries. We sat together that evening and read several stories from a short story book by candlelight. It was so much fun, and I haven’t see Mom so engaged in anything in a long time. Since that night, we’ve read 14 novels. I think we’re averaging one book every 2 weeks.

We both look so forward to our reading time. When we were reading the Chronicles of Narnia, Mom would ask, “Will you take me to Narnia?” After about 2 hours of reading, I would stop, and she would sigh happily.   One day I asked, “Do you want me to turn the TV on now?” She said, “No, keep it off. I just want to stay in Narnia for a while.”

Right now we’re in our 4th book of the “Little House on the Prairie” series. Mom and I have now learned how to build log cabins, make a fireplace, plant and harvest corn, wheat, potatoes, etc. We laugh and cry with Laura and her family, and many of their adventures jog Mom’s memory about her young life. Mom’s stories have gotten fewer and fewer as her memory slips away, but I think reading is really helping sharpen her mind. Often, I will stop and ask her if she knows what a word or phrase means, and she usually does.

For years I’ve told young parents how important it is to read to their children, and now I want to encourage everyone to read to the elderly. What a difference it makes!