Hospice – Page 2 – Surviving the Sandwich

I don’t usually need an alarm to wake up, but last night I stayed up way too late, and when my alarm went off at 6:55 am, I groaned, “Ugh, I don’t want to do this!” Hearing myself say that really caught me off guard. I know that’s a strange thing to say – how do you catch yourself “off guard,” but I can’t think of any other way to explain it. I used to love early mornings. Now, I get up, wash my face, and try to get one cup of tea in before I have to go in and change my mother-in-law. It’s really not that big of a deal…. we’ve been doing this for so long that it only takes a few minutes to change her nightie, her incontinence underwear, and the bed pad, but I can think of better ways to start my day.

This morning as I was fastening the snaps on Mom’s nightie, she said, “I bet you never thought, in your wildest dreams, that you would be changing your mother-in-law like a little baby.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t embarrass her. “Well…..” I said, awkwardly. Then I saw a cloth sticking to the inside of her gown, and I pulled it out exclaiming, “There it is! I’ve been missing this cloth!” We both laughed, and that was all we needed to change the subject.

No, not in my wildest dreams did I think I would be changing this woman’s diapers, but actually our relationship has never been better. We both just treat it as matter-of-fact, and we find something else to talk about or laugh at.

I have 3 daughters and one daughter-in-law. Will one of them be changing me some day. I’ve joked with them that they should “shoot me” first if it ever comes to that. They don’t appreciate it when I say it, and I really shouldn’t because I’m making it sound like having to be a caregiver is a terrible thing. Sure, I wish I could start my days in a different way, and I wish I had more time to myself, but my husband and I are doing what we can to give his mom the best end-of-life we can. I know our children would do the same for us.

Yesterday marked 7 years since my father-in-law died. Seven years that we’ve been taking care of Mom. Usually, on December 22^nd, we’ll sit with Mom and talk about Dad, then take her to the cemetery for a visit. Yesterday was very different though because Mark and I were desperately ill with the stomach flu. It all started on Sunday when the whole family was together for Baby Bea’s baptism and one of the little ones threw up. I was sure it was just from excitement, but by Thursday morning, all 4 of our children, their 3 spouses and 2 of the 3 little ones were either weak from, or right in the midst of, this terrible virus. We texted Dave to see if he could cover meals for Mom, only to find out that he was sick too. Three other people that I could usually call on in an emergency (2 friends from church and a neighbor) were all dealing with the same flu in their families.

In my stupor, all I could think of was “Visiting Angels” and with the help of Siri, I got someone on the phone. The woman I spoke with was very nice, and she really seemed to empathize with our plight, but she never called me back, after promising to do so. I know that we were asking a HUGE amount – to send someone over to a home dripping with Norovirus just days before Christmas, but if they couldn’t help us, they should have told us. I am now on a mission to find some local care-taking agencies and interview them before the next emergency happens.

How did we make it through that fateful day? Good question. At the appointed time, I got out of my sick bed, donned gloves and mask and hobbled 2 doors down to Mom’s house. I made her cream of wheat, tea and fruit, delivered it to her room, put “OnGuard” in the diffuser and told her the best way to show our love for her was to stay away from her. At dinner time I went through the same routine.

It was a terrible day to leave Mom all alone, but she understood. Next time we’ll be better prepared!

Category: Hospice

Time for a Change

Totally helpless