Category: Caretaker

Posted in Caretaker, Elderly, Hospice, Widow

The Night the Lights Went Out in Oxnard

Posted on by Maureen

Mom’s TV is on 24/7. My husband and I are not to blame for this. It started long before we started caring for her. When you enter the house, you can hear the mind-numbing chatter from the TV, and every once in a while, you’ll hear Mom laugh or gasp or call out to the character to “Be careful!”

Several months ago, as I was just getting ready to start preparing dinner, the power went out. I went outside to see if my neighbors were also without power, only to find several utility trucks on the street. One of the workers told me that we would be without power for 5 or 6 hours! I passed the word down the block, trying not to look as panicked as I felt. I knew I could go and grab some fast food for dinner, but what was I going to do with my mother-in-law for 6 hours without TV???  I know! Let’s read! Our shelves are full of books because I’ve been a literature teacher for 35 years, and my husband has more books than most libraries. We sat together that evening and read several stories from a short story book by candlelight. It was so much fun, and I haven’t see Mom so engaged in anything in a long time. Since that night, we’ve read 14 novels. I think we’re averaging one book every 2 weeks.

We both look so forward to our reading time. When we were reading the Chronicles of Narnia, Mom would ask, “Will you take me to Narnia?” After about 2 hours of reading, I would stop, and she would sigh happily.   One day I asked, “Do you want me to turn the TV on now?” She said, “No, keep it off. I just want to stay in Narnia for a while.”

Right now we’re in our 4th book of the “Little House on the Prairie” series. Mom and I have now learned how to build log cabins, make a fireplace, plant and harvest corn, wheat, potatoes, etc. We laugh and cry with Laura and her family, and many of their adventures jog Mom’s memory about her young life. Mom’s stories have gotten fewer and fewer as her memory slips away, but I think reading is really helping sharpen her mind. Often, I will stop and ask her if she knows what a word or phrase means, and she usually does.

For years I’ve told young parents how important it is to read to their children, and now I want to encourage everyone to read to the elderly. What a difference it makes!

Posted in Caretaker, Elderly, Hospice, incontinence, Sickness, Widow

Time for a Change

Posted on by Maureen

I don’t usually need an alarm to wake up, but last night I stayed up way too late, and when my alarm went off at 6:55 am, I groaned, “Ugh, I don’t want to do this!” Hearing myself say that really caught me off guard. I know that’s a strange thing to say – how do you catch yourself “off guard,” but I can’t think of any other way to explain it. I used to love early mornings. Now, I get up, wash my face, and try to get one cup of tea in before I have to go in and change my mother-in-law. It’s really not that big of a deal…. we’ve been doing this for so long that it only takes a few minutes to change her nightie, her incontinence underwear, and the bed pad, but I can think of better ways to start my day.

This morning as I was fastening the snaps on Mom’s nightie, she said, “I bet you never thought, in your wildest dreams, that you would be changing your mother-in-law like a little baby.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t embarrass her. “Well…..” I said, awkwardly. Then I saw a cloth sticking to the inside of her gown, and I pulled it out exclaiming, “There it is! I’ve been missing this cloth!” We both laughed, and that was all we needed to change the subject.

No, not in my wildest dreams did I think I would be changing this woman’s diapers, but actually our relationship has never been better. We both just treat it as matter-of-fact, and we find something else to talk about or laugh at.

I have 3 daughters and one daughter-in-law. Will one of them be changing me some day. I’ve joked with them that they should “shoot me” first if it ever comes to that. They don’t appreciate it when I say it, and I really shouldn’t because I’m making it sound like having to be a caregiver is a terrible thing. Sure, I wish I could start my days in a different way, and I wish I had more time to myself, but my husband and I are doing what we can to give his mom the best end-of-life we can. I know our children would do the same for us.

Posted in Caretaker, Elderly, Marriage, Recipes, Sickness, Widow

Recipes for Pressure Cooker

Posted on by Maureen

Recipes for Pressure Cooker

These recipes are for beginner cooks, and may come in handy for a young adult who has just moved out or the older adult who suddenly finds that his/her spouse can’t cook anymore.  The amounts can be adjusted according to taste. I tried to keep everything simple here, and this is just to get started. The pot I use is the “Farberware 7-in-1 Pressure Cooker”. I have also tried them in the “InstaPot” though I’m not as familiar with the settings on that pot. If something just doesn’t work for you, please let me know about it.

4 Favorite Simple Recipes

  • Chicken and Vegetables
  • Navy Bean with Bacon Soup
  • Beef Stew
  • Pork Chops with Mashed Potatoes and Green Beans

Ingredients to have on hand:

  •         Canned Tomatoes (14.5 oz cans of fire roasted or regular)
  •         Chicken Broth and Beef Broth (get cans or 32 oz cartons of low-sodium. Most recipes call for about 2 cups, so you’ll have some leftover. Date the carton and put in fridge. Use within 1 week)
  •         Cream of Mushroom Soup – one can
  •         Can of Evaporated Milk
  •         Onion Soup Mix
  •         Navy Beans – 1 bag of dried beans
  •         Bacon
  •         Beef Stew Meat (1-2 pounds)
  •         Chicken Breasts – fresh, not frozen (it seems to make a difference)
  •         Pork Chops – boneless
  •         Potatoes – (bag of medium red potatoes)
  •         Carrots – fresh bunch or “baby carrots”
  •         Green Beans (whole, fresh or whole, frozen)
  •         Celery – 1 bunch
  •         Onions (2 -3 small to medium brown onions)
  •         Garlic – fresh
  •         Prepared Mashed Potatoes (Hormel has nice tubs of prepared potatoes – usually in the deli section.)

Seasonings:

  •         Garlic Powder
  •         Smoked Paprika
  •         Onion Powder
  •         Maybe an Italian Seasoning or some other blend that looks good to you

Recipe for Beef Stew

  •         2 Tbsp. Olive Oil
  •         Beef Stew Meat (approx. 1 lb.)
  •         4 potatoes peeled and quartered, unless they are red potatoes, then don’t peel.
  •         Carrots – peeled and cut into 1 inch pieces unless they are baby carrots – leave whole
  •         Celery – 1 or 2 stalks, cut according to taste
  •         Onion – 1/2 quartered or diced
  •         1 cup of Green Beans (whole fresh or frozen)
  •         1 package of Onion Soup Mix
  •         1/4 cup of flour
  •         Salt and Pepper (approx. 1 tsp. each)
  •         1 tsp. Italian Seasoning
  •         1 tsp. garlic powder
  •         2 Cups Beef Broth
  •         2 Cups Water

Heat oil in pot.

Put flour and salt and pepper into a ziplock bag and shake to mix. Add the beef, shake to coat. Add meat and onions to pot and brown (approx. 5 mins.)

Keep meat in pot and add all vegetables. Sprinkle onion soup mix on everything and stir. Stir in beef broth and water.

Cover and lock lid. Set Menu to Stew setting (02). The default time on that is 35 minutes. You might want to let it sit for a while to release the steam naturally, or just release it yourself!

Enjoy!

Pork Chops

This recipe works for 2 to 6 pork chops                                                                                            Brown meat, sliced onion and 1 cup of sliced mushrooms (optional) in 2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil

Mix together 1 can of mushroom soup and 1 cup of beef broth or can of condensed milk. Add 1 tsp. garlic powder and pepper.

Pour soup over pork chops and use “Meat” setting on pot.

Serve with mashed potatoes and vegetable

Chicken and Vegetables

2 – 4 half breasts                                                                                                                                               2 cups chicken broth                                                                                                                                         Potatoes (quartered)                                                                                                                                   Carrots (cut into bite sized pieces)                                                                                                    Green beans (fresh or frozen)                                                                                                         Smoked Paprika                                                                                                                                      Pepper                                                                                                                                                    Sprinkle paprika and pepper on both sides of chicken and brown chicken in 2 tablespoons of olive oil (3 mins per side)                                                                                                                     Pile vegetables on top of chicken

Pour chicken broth over all                                                                                                                Season with 1 tsp. of Italian seasoning

Use “Soup” setting

Navy Bean Soup

½ package of bacon or 1 ham hock

1 package navy beans

2 carrots chopped

32 oz. of vegetable or chicken broth

1 can of diced tomatoes (I like “fire-roasted” or “Italian seasoned”)

Thyme – fresh or 1 tsp. powder

4 cups water

If you use bacon, cut it into bite-sized pieces. I use kitchen shears – it’s easier. Cook bacon on highest setting. If using a ham hock, you don’t need to brown it first. Just throw it in with all the other ingredients and turn the pot on “bean” setting.

Posted in Caretaker, Elderly, Hospice, Marriage, Sickness, Widow

Totally helpless

Posted on by Maureen

Yesterday marked 7 years since my father-in-law died. Seven years that we’ve been taking care of Mom. Usually, on December 22nd, we’ll sit with Mom and talk about Dad, then take her to the cemetery for a visit. Yesterday was very different though because Mark and I were desperately ill with the stomach flu. It all started on Sunday when the whole family was together for Baby Bea’s baptism and one of the little ones threw up. I was sure it was just from excitement, but by Thursday morning, all 4 of our children, their 3 spouses and 2 of the 3 little ones were either weak from, or right in the midst of, this terrible virus. We texted Dave to see if he could cover meals for Mom, only to find out that he was sick too. Three other people that I could usually call on in an emergency (2 friends from church and a neighbor) were all dealing with the same flu in their families.

In my stupor, all I could think of was “Visiting Angels” and with the help of Siri, I got someone on the phone. The woman I spoke with was very nice, and she really seemed to empathize with our plight, but she never called me back, after promising to do so. I know that we were asking a HUGE amount – to send someone over to a home dripping with Norovirus just days before Christmas, but if they couldn’t help us, they should have told us. I am now on a mission to find some local care-taking agencies and interview them before the next emergency happens.

How did we make it through that fateful day? Good question. At the appointed time, I got out of my sick bed, donned gloves and mask and hobbled 2 doors down to Mom’s house. I made her cream of wheat, tea and fruit, delivered it to her room, put “OnGuard” in the diffuser and told her the best way to show our love for her was to stay away from her. At dinner time I went through the same routine.

It was a terrible day to leave Mom all alone, but she understood. Next time we’ll be better prepared!

Posted in Caretaker, Death and Dying, Elderly, Marriage, Widow

…the little things…

Posted on by Maureen

makeup-clipartToday I helped my mom-in-law get showered and ready for tomorrow. Her dear Chuck’s birthday is tomorrow, and we’ll take Mom to the cemetery to put fresh flowers at his graveside. He had turned 85 just 2 months before he died, and that was almost 7 years ago. Today, after I helped Mom get into a fresh nightie and put her hair up in curlers, she asked me to help her “draw some eyebrows on.” There was a day when I would have tried to talk her out of it – after all, we weren’t going until tomorrow – but it seemed important to her, so I put my glasses on and made her look pretty. When I finished, she grabbed my hand, kissed it and held it to her cheek. Some things are worth doing, even when it seems unnecessary.