I don’t usually need an alarm to wake up, but last night I stayed up way too late, and when my alarm went off at 6:55 am, I groaned, “Ugh, I don’t want to do this!” Hearing myself say that really caught me off guard. I know that’s a strange thing to say – how do you catch yourself “off guard,” but I can’t think of any other way to explain it. I used to love early mornings. Now, I get up, wash my face, and try to get one cup of tea in before I have to go in and change my mother-in-law. It’s really not that big of a deal…. we’ve been doing this for so long that it only takes a few minutes to change her nightie, her incontinence underwear, and the bed pad, but I can think of better ways to start my day.
This morning as I was fastening the snaps on Mom’s nightie, she said, “I bet you never thought, in your wildest dreams, that you would be changing your mother-in-law like a little baby.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t embarrass her. “Well…..” I said, awkwardly. Then I saw a cloth sticking to the inside of her gown, and I pulled it out exclaiming, “There it is! I’ve been missing this cloth!” We both laughed, and that was all we needed to change the subject.
No, not in my wildest dreams did I think I would be changing this woman’s diapers, but actually our relationship has never been better. We both just treat it as matter-of-fact, and we find something else to talk about or laugh at.
I have 3 daughters and one daughter-in-law. Will one of them be changing me some day. I’ve joked with them that they should “shoot me” first if it ever comes to that. They don’t appreciate it when I say it, and I really shouldn’t because I’m making it sound like having to be a caregiver is a terrible thing. Sure, I wish I could start my days in a different way, and I wish I had more time to myself, but my husband and I are doing what we can to give his mom the best end-of-life we can. I know our children would do the same for us.
Surviving the Sandwich 